I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
