I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
