I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Randomize
