Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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