Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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