im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
