he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
