I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
