im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
