Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
