Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
