I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
