let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
