You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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