Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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