I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
