I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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