The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You're like the curious george of whores
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
