I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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