I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
