I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
