i think my tv is drunk
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
