we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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