So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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