I must be too annoying 4 u.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
