Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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