it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
