I think I won the penis lottery.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
