If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
