so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
