I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
