Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
