why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
