hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
