There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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