Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
