Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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