I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
