he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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