Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am available for nakedness
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
