I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
