Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
