Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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