why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
