it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
