I am spending my child support on dildos
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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