The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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