U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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