remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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