I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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