I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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