Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
