What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
