I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
